The Truth

So unfortunately I have fallen ill and have been unable to write for the past week and also run out of pre-written posts. I don't know when I will be up for writing again but until then I won't be able to post, hopefully it won't be more than a week or two.

“So you were fucking someone else? Explain” Jake spoke as soon as he walked back into the living room after grabbing the pizza.

“Yes I was having sex with someone else, they were giving me what you wouldn’t. I told you what I preferred when having sex and you refused, you refused to even try it…”

“And I told you I couldn’t see myself hurting you because I love you Tay” he threw the pizza down on the table and I believe at this point we both realised neither of us will be eating it.

“Why can’t you understand that it doesn’t hurt me? It gives me pleasure, gives me better orgasms”

I knew the look he was giving me, it was sceptical, he didn’t believe that I could get off on getting hurt.

“I had an arrangement, I would meet up with him once a week and that’s it, it was just sex between the two of us. Can you say the same?” I questioned having a feeling that since the other week wasn’t the first that maybe he had been having sex with countless girls.

“No” he hung his head not looking at me, I couldn’t believe this. There was a part of me that wanted to know how long it has been going on and how many girls but there was a part of me that didn’t. “How long?”

His voice was so quiet I almost missed it, did he really want to know this? Would this be the first time either of us is being 100% truthful in our relationship? Would this fix what was obviously broken but neither of us wanted to accept it as broken?

“Around 6 months into our relationship” his head snapped up and finally looked at me, I could see the hurt on his face.

Jake and I had been dating for around 3 and a half years, so I had been seeing Dom on the side for three years. Too be honest even I’m surprised Dom and I had managed to do it for this long, normally you see in the movies that the affair doesn’t last long and they get caught for doing something stupid, was that why Dom and I came up with the rules, so we wouldn’t get caught?

Jake shook his head before laughing, I narrowed my eyes at him. Why the fuck was he laughing?

“What the hell Jake?” I finally questioned and the sound of my voice stopped him from laughing.

“Why are we so fucked up? I’ve been chasing girls for just as long”

“Chasing?” I questioned

“I like the thrill of the chase, it’s one of the things I enjoyed about being single. I missed that once we started dating, you were the best chase yet Tay”

“So why have sex with them? Why not chase them until they want you?” I don’t know if I really wanted to know this, I just knew we needed everything out in the open.

“I honestly don’t know Tay” his voice was soft, he looked at me before resting his head back on the couch placing his hands over his face.

I surprised myself when I stood up and made my way over to sit beside him, I placed my hand on one of his and pulled it away from his face.

“I don’t want to lose you Tay” he whispered and I shook my head.

“Are we honestly working if I’m going to someone else for sex and your chasing random girls down at the bar?”

“Don’t you love me anymore?”

“I never said that Jake, there are things we aren’t getting in this relationship. How is that normal or healthy?”

“Please baby…”

“Jake I honestly think a break is the best thing for us right now, Emily seems to believe that we have the most unusual fucked up but functional relationship but now having it all out in the open I don’t. We’re both obviously not happy, maybe a break would be good for us”

After having this out in the open I realised something, it didn’t matter if we loved each other we weren’t happy, we were going elsewhere to get something we couldn’t in our relationship. Is there any point in staying together if we aren’t happy?

“Dom’s said the same thing on occasion” wait a second, did Dom know what Jake was doing?

“Wait Dom knew?” I questioned, I couldn’t believe this. I even asked Dom if Jake was cheating on me

“Yes, I’m assuming Emily knew?” I nodded unable to speak. I couldn’t believe this, Dom knew, I asked and he lied to me and then when he found out he acted like he cared about how I was feeling but now, now I was questioning whether or not he truly cared about me.

Jake shocked me when he reached up and cupped my face wiping away the tears I hadn’t even realised had escaped. “Taylor I love you and I want this to work, I can’t lose you”

“But you changed everything by having sex with some girl in our bed Jake, I understand we both fucked up but I didn’t ruin what we had in this house. Can you seriously promise me that you will stop chasing girls?”

Jake was silent for a moment but then he pulled his hands away from my face and looked at his lap all before shaking his head.

“Exactly and I don’t blame you for that, let’s just take a break and see what happens? Maybe go back to the beginning and try dating and learning again, maybe we can learn to do something that will make both of us happy”

Jake nodded before looking at me and I could see that his eyes had welled up, Jake never cried and seeing him like this broke my heart. I reached over and placed my hand on his cheek.

“If we’re meant to be this will work Jake”

“I know Tay and I do truly love you, does it change anything that I was thinking of proposing some day?”

“No, after having all this out in the open I don’t think you would have until you could stop cheating on me and I doubt I would have said yes if I was still seeing the guy on the side”

“I think you’re right but I don’t know if I can do the things you want me too”

“I know but we will try if it means making this work Jake”

After that we fell into a silence and ate the pizza, I had this feeling of thinking Jake would propose any day but knowing he was sleeping around made me realise that the only reason we weren’t engaged was because we were both sleeping around.

I eventually left and I was grateful I didn’t have to get into an argument with Jake about it, he was understanding about us taking a break and seeing what happens and for that to happen we couldn’t live together but the one thing I did know for certain was that if we did get back together we couldn’t live in that house anymore.

I lied when I told Jake I was heading back to Emily’s, I wasn’t. I was heading to Dom’s I needed to know why he refused to tell me about Jake.

I knocked on the front door and he was clearly shocked about seeing me on the other side, we had barely spoken since he had gotten back but it was more on my part then anything.

“What are you doing here Tay?” he questioned but all I did was slap him in response shocking both of us.