Decisions

“Tay are you alright?” I turned around and faced Jake, giving him a small nod.

Jake had asked me come over for dinner and I agreed because if I didn’t I knew I would be completely shutting the door on him, I was still unsure if I could close that part of my life.

“How long are you going to keep living with Emily, this is your home too. We brought this house together, it’s our home.” Jake spoke as he walked over and stood next to me where I was looking out the window facing our backyard, something I spent ages in trying to figure out what plants and trees I wanted.

“We’ve ruined what we had, me coming back here would just prove I’m okay with what happened when I’m not Jake. You still can’t promise you will stop chasing girls at the bar. That night I ended up in hospital, were you flirting with girls attempting to go home with them?” I questioned and when Jake moved his gaze I knew I was right, he couldn’t lie about this.

“I’m sorry Tay…”

“Don’t be Jake, we aren’t together. I admit I should have said something about it not only being you and Dom should have stepped up saying something as well, but honestly needs to go both ways. Maybe we just won’t work as a couple, maybe we need to realise that.” I spoke trying to keep my voice even, I didn’t want to let him know just how much I hated myself for this.

It’s been a month since I had that conversation with both Jake and Dom in Emily’s living room, I’ve spent time with both of them and I’ve been struggling with just how much I hate myself for doing this, for hurting someone who means so much to me.

“Tay you don’t mean that,” he looked at me in shock but I saw the pain in his eyes.

“Promise me, promise me that you can stop chasing girls down at the bar if I said right now that I choose you.”

He slightly shook his head before looking back out the window, “I can’t, because I don’t know if I can.” He voice broke and my heart did at the same time.

“Exactly and I can’t let myself go through that pain again Jake, I still don’t even know if I can compromise on our sex life. I enjoy the rougher style of sex that you won’t give me, I can’t guarantee that I won’t stray again. We are deluding ourselves if we think we can both happy a second time round because I honestly believe we would have been happy the first time if that was the case.”

“So you’re going to pick Dom? I don’t recall you two being overly happy the first time round either.” Jake snapped at me and I frowned before averting my gaze.

“That’s not what I said Jake, I didn’t even know you when Dom and I first dated. The romance disappeared and it became all about sex, I didn’t realise how he truly felt. Jake, Dom and I were both young and didn’t know how to be in a proper relationship, we’ve both grown a lot since then. It’s been years since Dom and I first dated but you, it’s only been a couple of months.”

“I love you though Tay,” Jake spoke as he wrapped his arms around me.

“But are you inlove with me?” I questioned and he stiffened.

“I don’t know….” He trailed off and I knew I had him, this was something he hadn’t thought about. There was a reason why we were both happily cheating and why he hadn’t proposed yet.

“It’s okay if the answers no, I love you too Jake but I feel it’s more like I love Emily then what I would someone I want have a future with. You won’t lose me because we will still be friends, we’ve spent so much of our lives together I can’t just cut you out as quickly as other people could. You’re family Jake, I don’t want to lose any more family. But can you still be friends with me?” Jake softly kissed the top of my head.

“Maybe we’ve been deluding ourselves for too long,” he laughed and I pulled away. “We’ll always be friends Tay, nothing will ever change that because honestly. We’re too screwed up for either one of us to be completely mad at the other, but in all honestly what are you going to do what about Dom?”

I pulled away from Jake and walked over to take a seat on the couch, I don’t understand how Jake could so easily question about my motives with Dom.

“How can you so easily question that?”

Jake didn’t say anything as he walked over and took a seat on the couch beside me, “maybe because you were right, I’m not in love with you. Whereas Dom is the brother I never had, if he was still in love with you after three years of seeing you by myside then he must really care about you. If I don’t have the chance to have another shot with you, I want to make sure he won’t get hurt in the end either.”

“Wait is there your way of saying that you would approve if I chose Dom?” Jake shrugged.

“I admit it won’t be easy seeing you with him but if it’s what you want I won’t get in the way. I honestly want the two of you to be happy, I won’t stand in the way of that. I’ve wanted nothing more than for you two to be happy, you are both family.” He spoke and I couldn’t believe this.

“What are we going to about the house Tay?” Jake questioned and I shrugged.

“I don’t know if I can live here again, too many memories and I have no problem living with Emily. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t want to live here, it’s been too hard living here as it is.” I frowned and I couldn’t believe he never told me he struggled living here without me.

“So what we sell the house, use the money to pay what was left of the mortgage and then spilt what’s left of the sale. What about the furniture?” I questioned, selling the house seemed to be the smartest thing to do if neither of us wanted the house.

The only thing I did know for sure was that I wanted to put what furniture belonged to my parents back in storage, I couldn’t tear myself away from that.

“Sell it, donate it. Whatever is easier for us I guess,” he shrugged and then I realised something.

“Where would you live?”

“Dom, or one of the other boys. I know to begin with Dom offered his guest room in case you wanted the house instead of living with Emily but I turned him down.” I nodded and we fell into silence after that.

Looks like we decided to stay as friends and we now had a date with a realtor to look forward too. I never in my wildest dreams expected this conversation to be this easy, I had thought that coming here today I would have to argue with him on what would be best for us. The more time I spent with Jake the more and more I thought it was just friendly, I couldn’t see the romantic part of it anymore and I wasn’t anywhere near as happy as I used to be with Jake.

I sure as didn’t expect him to question what I was going to about Dom, after that conversation between the three of us the friendship between Jake and Dom was back to normal and it seemed as though I had never come between them.

I just now had to figure out what I wanted to do with Dom…